Previously Unexplored

I changed my subscription to the SmofList this morning. I will no longer be getting the emails. It’s just not worth it anymore. 

My mother had me added to the list several years ago. When I joined, I was excited. Finally, a spot at the ‘grown up’ table. The chance to join conversations on how to make fandom and conventions better. To learn from great people with more experience that I’d looked up to for years. 

The List at present is much different than the list that I joined. Since I’ve only been on the list for several years, I asked a friend if they’d ever seen it this bad. They said that they had seen the list this hot before, and that it’s gotten hotter for longer before, but they weren’t sure that it had ever stayed this hot for this long. There are no more productive conversations. There are endless arguments and conversations that are derailed by people trying to make a light joke to make things easier. Very few people are friendly, and it feels like everyone (not just new members) feel like they are under attack. I wanted a channel to continue communication that started in the consuite, and in the bridge, and The List is no longer that. 

This weekend I went to Smofcon and I found out that one of the people that I wanted to engage with no longer even reads The List because its so toxic. That was at once so, relieving and so disappointing. I’ve been sticking around this shitty place where this person isn’t even going anymore?! But on the other hand I can finally leave! 

Deleting all of the unread threads in my inbox was magical. It felt just as good as knowing I’d done a good thing for fandom. 

I’m looking forward to spending more time actually doing things, than talking and arguing in circles about them.