Tag Archives: pain

Running Out of Gas

I am so tired. I am exhausted and frustrated and I just woke up.

I have spent the last week dealing with a mystery illness that causes extreme abdominal pain, dizziness and forced bodily functions that nobody wants to have to deal with. Ever.

I have seen three doctors this week, been to the ER, Urgent Care and a HMO office. I’ve gotten a CT, sonogram (owwwwwwwww with a tender tummy) and three variations of X-Rays which included drinking an annoying amount of really disgusting barium. I’ve had so much blood taken for tests that all of the veins in my hands have collapsed and it was a joke trying to get access to the ones in the crook of my arm. I was in so much pain and so exhausted that I only went in to work on Thursday and even then had to leave early. Not such a great thing as an intern, my bosses are sympathetic but that is only going to last for so long.

I am so tired of this.

I’ve been dealing with ‘episodes’ of this mystery ailment since middle school. However, those episodes were few and far between and always happened at night. Not so much on the fun side, but at least I could deal with it in the privacy of my own home with family helping out and taking care of me.

Over the years, the meds that I’ve been taking for this have stopped working. Episodes used to be solved with a few Advil/Aleve/Whatever I could grab out of the medicine cabinet faster and a hot water bottle. That stopped working and so I moved on to drugs from the UK that a friend of mine recommended and that he brought me.  That stopped helping earlier this year. I’ve tried pain killers and non-traditional medicine and while those help a lot, there is only so long that I can go around being drugged out of my mind. There is no warning before these episodes, one second I am fine and walking around, the next, on the floor wishing for unconsciousness.

The episodes this week have been fast and furious and have left me completely spent. I don’t know how long this is going to last, or if they will ever figure out what is going on and be able to ‘fix’ it.

I am so completely exhausted.

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New Years Resolution Continued

As some of you may know, my New Year’s resolution was to start drinking as much water as I do soda. 

Well, the resolution has been successful so far. I average about a gallon of water today. Some days I have a can of soda, some days I have two, some days I don’t have any at all. What really gets me are the bags of BBQ potato chips at the end of the hall. Those suckers are fucking addicting. Odd side note, I still think of them as the KC Masterpiece BBQ chips, even though that tie was cut on the bag a while back. Talk about effective branding. 

The resolution has actually progressed further than just drinking water every day. I’ve started working out with Karibabyhorse every day and seeing a personal trainer twice a week. Before you start thinking “Well isn’t that nice for you, I don’t have that kind of money,” I don’t actually have that kind of money either. Access to my school’s gym is $70 a semester or $125 for a year. That’s a little bit more than $20 a month, which I used to spend on chocolate milk (Yes, I’m a recovering addict). That’s a night at the bar for some folks, or just ordering out. It’s a well worth it investment. With access to the gym comes access to the personal trainer. It’s a really great deal. 

My coworkers laughed at me (not in a mean way) last week while I hobbled around for the two days after my first appointment, but I’m already starting to feel the benefits form the intense workouts. Mostly in my arms and legs, and not my tummy where I would like it, but it’s a work in progress and not something that will happen over night. The oddest place that I’ve notice slimming down is my wrists…they look very dainty now. 

I haven’t stepped on a scale since the very beginning of January, and I don’t plan to any time soon. Knowing the number won’t help me any. I already have plenty of motivation (my trainer is adorable and sings random songs – last week it was Mariah Carey, today it was Ellie Goulding) and all of this isn’t because I want to attain a certain number on the scale. I want to feel better. And yeah, I do want to look a certain way, but I don’t know what the number associated with that look is, so why worry?

More later. Time to dive back into work.